Ruling the world

September 29, 2000 music Comments Off

I have devised a solution to the problem I described in yesterday’s diary entry (the problem of no Great composers, not the problem of the damnable Schubert sonata). It’s really quite simple. Some of the greatest music the world has known has been brought to us as a result of someone’s suffering. Beethoven was effectively cut off from the rest of society by his deafness, resulting in his being one of the crankiest people in history. Shostakovich was under the foot of Stalin and depicted the misery of his people through his music.

Herein lies the problem: not enough things suck these days. I mean, the biggest problems we have in this country are the chances of losing a couple thousand dollars on the stock market one day. Big fucking deal! Sure, there are people with bigger problems than that, but they aren’t educated in music composition, and therefore they cannot entertain the rest of us through their suffering.

My solution is this: I need to take over the world and become the world’s first Global Dictator. From there, I’ll scour the planet seeking out the most talented composers that are alive. I suspect 20-25 composers will be a good number, but it does depend upon what talent is out there. Then, I’ll have to have their families executed for crimes they didn’t commit, throw the composers into a grimy prison, and feed them stale bread and water for the rest of their lives. If they’re from a particularly small country or region, it might be good to enslave the people of their homeland and crush their wills into almost nothing (almost, but not quite nothing. There needs to be a spirit of rebellion in them, a spark of life and energy.. otherwise the entire experiment will be for naught). It might even be interesting to build a small space station for one composer, stock it with plenty of food, a piano, and a full orchestra. We can ship more food up there as needed. After ten years of nigh-solitude, I imagine we might get a nice reward.

So you see, things don’t have to suck for everyone in order to get some good music. If things suck enough for just the right people, then the rest of us live that much better enjoying the fruits of their unhappiness. And it’s not like I don’t have a really good reason to become Supreme Dictator of the World. Nobody likes being bored. I’m doing this for the good of the people of the world (well, almost 100% of them), and since you’re one of them you’d better be grateful!

Overall, I think I’d be a splendid Dictator of the World. I’d basically keep countries intact as they were before my rule, though, as when I die I’d like to have everything restored mostly to what it is now. Things would simply pick back up, with a fresh harvest of Great music. I’d do my best to try to get food to the places that need it, and I’d try to raise the overall technological and educational states of the parts of the world that need it. That, in itself, might also bring about some good music.

I’m working on a more formal write-up of this idea, but it may not be posted until November due to recital preparation.