the indian wind along the telegraph lines

My sister Margit sent me this recipe today. In her words, “Hysterical, until you realize there’s no punch line.” Amen, sister.

Title: Easter Story Cookies

Description:

To be made the evening before Easter. And have your bible on hand to read scripture.

Ingredients:

1c. whole pecans
1 tsp. vinegar
3 egg whites
pinch salt
1c. sugar
zipper baggie
wooden spoon
tape
Bible

Directions:

PREHEAT OVEN TO 300! (this is important-don’t wait til you’re half done with the recipe)

Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. (Read John 19:1-3.)

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross he was given vinegar to drink. (Read John 19:28-30.)

Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. (Read John 10:10-11.)

Sprinkle a little salt into each child’s hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus’ followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. (Read Luke 23:27.)

So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1c. sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know and belong to Him. (Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16.)

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God’s eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. (Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3.)

Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus’ body was laid. (Read Matt. 27:57-60)

Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF.

Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus’ tomb was sealed. (Read Matt. 27:65-66.)

GO TO BED!

Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus’ followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. (Read John 16:20 and 22.)

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! Explain that on the first Easter Jesus’ followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. (Read Matthew 28:1)

Yeah, great fun for the kids. Nothing makes me hungrier for cookies than recreating a killing while making them.

I’d change this, though:

Fold in broken nuts. Explain that Jesus consistently got His nuts kicked by the Pharisees. Kick each child in the groin so they can share the experience.

Whee! Nothing says “Easter Fun!” like scaring the crap out of your kids through baking.

Mount Saint Helens erupted about 24 hours ago. Big ash plume that climbed to ~36,000 feet. My woowoo was driving through east Portland at the time, but didn’t see the eruption. I guess it’s good she kept her eyes on traffic, but seeing a volcano go boom would be cool.

Nothing major to report here. The only thing that landed on Portland was apoplectic news coverage. If you’re interested, you can check at woo and me traipsing about MSH back in the summer of 2002.

“Adult English: Porno smallbook speaking, let’s go!” is a handy little book for Japanese speakers. It’s an English phrasebook for intimate moments that contains such useful things as:

Drink some more. It will make you want to go to the john and then you can take them off there.

and

Okay, I’m going to slip it to you in this position. Ha, ha, doing it this way pushes all the fat up to your belly. You really got a lot there. See, you can’t even see your belly button.

and

That bastard! I can’t take him any more. I don’t care what happens to me. I’m going to kill him.

and

When we did it, there didn’t seem to be any blood.

Freakin’ suave.

Congratulations to my former office-mate Tanya and her suave husband Dave on the birth of their first child, a pretty little girl named Alba.

If I know Tanya, Alba’s first words will be in Quenya, she’ll learn to knit really cool hats by the age of 3 and will end up being a very hip, spunky chick.

If I know Dave, Alba will have a great sense of humor, will be cooking tasty dishes by the age of 2 and will have facial hair. Well, maybe not that last one.

Congratulations, you guys! Be sure to keep her away from me lest my corrupting influence spoil her forever! 🙂

RIP Hunter S. Thompson.

The original, uncompromising “gonzo journalist” met his death like he lived his life, on his terms. He was found in his Colorado home by his son Juan today, having committed suicide.

In a nation born of revolution, Thompson was a revolutionary. Perhaps the first “embedded journalist” (with the Hell’s Angels in the 60s) he redefined journalism. It has been said that he is generally regarded as the grandfather of the blogging movement. Certainly a man whose prose was as uncompromising as his mind, his life and his will. A true pioneer.

Hunter S. Thompson wrote about what he knew. And if he didn’t know it, he learned it so he could write about it. There are few people that will go to the extremes he did to ensure their voice speaks with the authority of actual experience.

You will be missed, sir. Pens down for a moment of silence.

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” – Hunter S. Thompson

Robin Williams riffed on Disney’s decision to drop Pixar (Boing-Boing) in a press junket-y confab for the upcoming film Robots. Sometimes Robin Williams is just annoying. Sometimes he crosses the line from “annoying blabbermouth” to “comedic genius.” I think he crossed that line here. More like vaulted over it and ran away cackling. Hilarious.

What were you thinking, Disney?

Thanks Garamond.