Hello everyone, this is (not actually) my first post to the Planet Debian. There was some older posts I filed under this category, sorry.
My name is Aron Xu, and I’ve just passed my NM process so I’m now a Debian Developer who has his shiny new account to work on more Debian stuff. During the NM process, I have to say people involved are really really nice. And DAMs are busy guys which gives me a very deep impression. It is an honor to be accepted to this group of people, who have been doing splendid things to make the world a better place.
I live in China, where has many Debian users but very few DD or DM. Actually, there are more people here using the famous Debian derivative, Ubuntu. As I have been a person who tried to participate the communities of some projects in the past 6 years, from rpm-ish to source-ish and then deb-ish, my experience is that the technical differences are significant in some degree, but the people and ideas behind are far more important for a community. I choose to stay at Debian, and work hard to finally get my Debian Developer account. I have to say I like Debian and the people around it very much, or I won’t commit so much time to make it better, and help others with it.
From now on, apart from maintaining my packages, I would like to serve this project more by mentoring new maintainers and sponsoring (barely sponsoring is not so good, though, should point many of the maintainers and potential maintainers to existing teams), and help QA team to do something improve the general quality of Debian.
I am (still) a high school student, whose high school life is reaching its end in no more than half a month. So it takes me many time to work on preparing the upcoming college entrance exam, with some tension and excitement. After several (not too) bad setbacks during the past two years, now I still can’t tell whether I’m ready to face the challenge after this period of life with a strong courage, but anyway I need to keep on and fight for the sunlight of tomorrow. I think I know better about “life is not easy” than ever before at such a milestone. I am younger than many DDs who can tell me I haven’t really suffered from life’s difficulties; I am older than many boys and girls from whom I can see the shadow of my past days.
Thanks for your reading.
“Always be there. With you. For you. Even no “together””, a previous school mate wrote on his social network just now. No explanation needed, it comes across my mind that it is what he wants to say to his beloved one. And I must say everyone who loves from heart would have the same emotion – the only difference would be the way that delivers it – no matter through a direct sentence or a tiny bit in action.
The recent two years is a period when I find more difficulties are getting in my way than before. It is the source of a series adventures that happened to me with joys and sorrows, and furthermore it leads to such a writing. I don’t want to spend time on telling what happened because they are not that meaningful. The key point, is it has changed my plan of life in a way which could use “heavily” to describe. I felt puzzled and frustrated at the moment the facts rushed into my mind violently. Meanwhile, I realized my only choice is to walk through it, in a way with cautions and piece alongside. Life is like that – changes could suddenly arrive regardless of whatever intelligent plans you have made and the only thing you can do is to face it, isn’t it?
To be honest, I am an emotional man, though you might be hardly able to notice it in everyday life. I had felt solitary during the years no one is at my side, and after then I felt numerous loneliness flushing into the place inside. Being alone is depressive sometimes, and it’s hard to tell how you are longing for a soul mate, especially one who you would like to devote all yourself to satisfy.
Love is… something hard to tell. One might think about they have known about what it is through watching movies and reading novels, definitely they’ll help on understanding; one might also think they have tasted love and believes himself has got to know most things about love; one might… but wait, I feel love is a path which you never get its end because I find the love in my heart is always getting deeper and deeper. I have never imagined I can have such a strong feeling to a specific person, and it’s impossible to describe the happiness and sadness. In fact, I think it’s a pure emotion, but with very very complex representations.
I met my love in the first year of two, and we believe we are destined to be together by our nature and fate. I never feel sorry for my experiencing such a period of time, even feeling that I’m a lucky one. I cherish her and all her hearts committed to me, and she does excellent and tolerates many mistakes I’ve made. There’s no doubt I am a lucky fool because I messed up many things in a completely foolish way.
Two persons who are in love, are always in need of each other’s comprehension and support. I should be clear that, she knows my situations well and she supports me anyway. But I was stucked to get her attention and wait for her reactive – which leads to many silly things that make her feels being hurt. No, that’s not my intention, neither you can see a real me from those things. I am still the one, I just did silly things as a fool. I still don’t know how to recover everything, and even worse I has lost many opportunities she has given me. In my heart, I feel sharp pains at the same time she feels to be hurt but I didn’t realize what shit I’d fucked up. So it’s a thing that makes both of us suffer. Now I am aware of my faults and trying do everything to clean up the effects. My love accumulates during the time, and I am still the one you can trust, it’s a misunderstanding caused by my silly behaviors. I cannot ask for forgiveness and even not sure when to find an opportunity to prove myself to her.
To she: I love you baby, you are my only one and my heart is always for you. I am brave enough to face the dangers of life and protect you from being harmed. And I’ll prove that you are just get confused by a misunderstanding caused by my silliness.