It has recently been brought to my attention that my actions, comments, opinions and things I do, make, say and think (teehee) may make me a less attractive candidate for your employment/affections. Well, to be completely honest this isn’t the first time I’ve been told this and really I don’t care. If you are a potential girlfriend who does not allow me to be me then I don’t really know why I’d want to date you. And if you’re a company who doesn’t let me be me, then I definitely don’t want to date you either. Even if you pay me. I ain’t no cheap hooker.
Nor do I understand why you would want to employ/date me if I was pretending to something I’m not. I wouldn’t like to find out you were only pretending to like Gabriel García Márquez because I had a book by him or you said you thought Slint were the most influential band of the 80s and 90s, but then I caught you crying at a Snow Patrol song. I’d think about quitting right on the spot if I found that out. And if we were out on a date and you said “Iain, I’ve been lying to you, our corporate goal is actually to oppress the workers in Indochina and force them at gunpoint to create cheap OEM software that we will sell using a spam marketing campaign starring Oprah Winfrey”, well, that’d be you dumped on the spot baby. You can be sure of it. No second chances, no crying at your office door singing “Iiiiieeeeeeiiiiiiieeeiiieeiiiii willlllllllllllll aaaaaallllllwwwwwwaaaaaaaayyyyyyeeeeeeessssss love …. ewwwwwwwwyyyyyooooooouuuuuuuuueeeeuuuuuuueeeeuuuuu”. Not after the last time.
If on the other hand, you read this blog and find its fine blend of cheeky satire, surrealism, commentary of varying levels of insightfulness with some pretentious big words sprinkled on top like icing sugar on a big chocolate muffin (one of those milk chocolate ones with the white and milk and dark chocolatey bits mmmmmm) amusing and refreshing like lying in a cool spring breeze and allowing it to wash all the dirt and filth off then get in touch(*), or buy me stuff. Or dont, its up to you, I don’t care either way.
As for the rest of Seb’s (can I call you that Seb, I feel like we’ve got a brother-i-never-had bond thing going on here) post, I’ll probably just keep posting what I feel like, when I feel like it, and its up to you (plural, not you personally Sebby-baby) to like or dislike it. Can’t say fairer than that really.
(*)Unless you’re a potential employer, I’m quite happy where I am actually. And I’m not really on the lookout for a relationship either, so yeah, no-one has to get in touch at all actually. Except movie producers in Hallywood…hallywood!