wtf – muellis blog

BAföG, PDF and Evince – Decrypted PDF documents

In Germany, students may apply for BAföG which basically makes them receive money for their studies. In order to apply, you have to fill out lots of forms. They provide PDFs with forms that you can –at least in theory– fill out. Well, filling out with Evince works quite well, but saving doesn’t. It complains, that the document is encrypted. WTF?

It’s a form provided by the government. You wouldn’t think that there is anything subject to DRM and that they stop you actually saving a filled document. Producing the document in first place was paid by us citizens so I’d fully expect to be at least allowed save the filled form. I don’t request the sources of that document (well, I like the idea but I probably couldn’t do anything with it anyway) but only that my government helps me filling out all those forms and that it doesn’t unnecessarily restrict me.

So I wrote those folks at the office, stating that they’ve accidentally restricted me saving the form. I received an answer quite quickly:

leider handelt es sich hier nicht um ein Versehen. Die Speicherbarkeit der Formulare unterliegt einem Rechtekonzept des Programm-Herstellers, nach welchem ab einer gewissen Abrufzahl das Abspeichern der Formulare nicht kostenfrei möglich ist.

Unterschiedliche Freewares bieten jedoch die Möglichkeit, die vorhandenen Formblätter auf dem eigenen PC abzuspeichern. Beispielhaft wird Ihnen auf dem Internet-Auftritt hierzu ein entsprechendes Softwarepaket zum kostenfreien Download genannt

Sorry for the German. The translation is roughly: It’s not an accident. The “program vendor’s right management” is responsible for that. And if many people actually download the PDF file, that Digital Restrictions Management requires that office to not allow the people to save the forms. Erm. Yes. I haven’t verified this but I fully expect the authoring software “Adobe LiveCycle Designer ES 8.2” to have a very weird license that makes us citizens suffer from those stupid restrictions. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why we need Free Software. And we need governments to stop using proprietary software with such retarded licenses.

Apparently, there are a few DRM technologies within PDF. One of them are stupid flags inside the document, that tell you whether you are allowed to, say, print or fill forms in the document. And it was heavily discussed what to do about those, because they can be silently ignored.

Anyway, I came across Ubuntu bug 477644 which mentions QPDF, a tool to manipulate PDFs while preserving its content. So if you go and download all those PDFs with forms, and do a “qpdf –decrypt input.pdf output.pdf” on them, you can save your filled form.
pushd /tmp/ for f in 1 1_anlage_1 1_anlage_2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8; do wget --continue "http://www.das-neue-bafoeg.de/intern/upload/formblaetter/nbb_fbl_${f}.pdf" qpdf --decrypt "/tmp/nbb_fbl_${f}.pdf" "/tmp/nbb_fbl_${f}_decrypted.pdf" done popd

I’ve prepared that and you can download the fillable and savable decrypted BAfoeG Forms from here:

Hope you can use it.

Oh srsly? 300MBs for a scanner driver (/.-)

My granny asked me to bring her a driver for her all-in-one scanner thingy, because it would take her too long to download it. Well, I wasn’t too sure whether it’s HP’s fault by not supporting the generic classes or Windows 7‘s fault by not implementing the USB Printer or Scanner class driver (But they should). However, I didn’t think a driver can be that huge. However, HP supposes you to download 290 whopping MB! For making their product work!

But they are serious. You cannot download anything smaller than that. ๏̯͡๏ I thought they were kidding me. Must be a very complicated device… Well, I’m copying their BLOBs onto a pendrive now…

Trying to download from MSDN-AA: Annoying Secure Digital Container

I thought I’d give Windows technology a try (actually, I just need something to break) and tried to download Microsoft Operating Systems via e-academy.com (MSDN-AA). But instead of an ISO, you get a Portable Executable *facepalm*. Turns out that this binary downloads “Secure Digital Containers” from, i.e. here or here. These SDCs contain the ISO and are, according to this site, encrypted. The key is supposed to be in that downloader binary. However, no tool exists to decrypt those SDC files 🙁

I burnt half a day on that. Now going to look for Torrents of the ISOs… Are there official SHA1sums of the ISOs?

Or, dear lazyweb, do you know anybody that reverse engineered the downloader and is able to provide a free tool that unpacks the ISO from the SDC? 🙂

Klingon Language Support

From Documentation/unicode.txt:

Klingon language support
————————

In 1996, Linux was the first operating system in the world to add support for the artificial language Klingon, created by Marc Okrand for the “Star Trek” television series. This encoding was later adopted by the ConScript Unicode Registry and proposed (but ultimately rejected) for inclusion in Unicode Plane 1. Thus, it remains as a Linux/CSUR private assignment in the Linux Zone.

This encoding has been endorsed by the Klingon Language Institute. For more information, contact them at:

http://www.kli.org/

Maybe Linux isn’t ready to take over the world yet, but at least it’s ready to take over the universe…

WTFOTM: ISO 3103 or Howto make tea

Another sequel in the series WTF of the month: It’s a standard, namely ISO 3103 that clarifies …*drumroll*… how to make tea…

I somehow came across ISO 3103 and my initial thought was: WTF?!

The method consists in extracting of soluble substances in dried tea leaf, containing in a porcelain or earthenware pot, by means of freshly boiling water, pouring of the liquor into a white porcelain or earthenware bowl, examination of the organoleptic properties of the infused leaf, and of the liquor with or without milk or both.

Admittedly, the: (from Wikipedia)

[…] standard is not meant to define the proper method for brewing tea, but rather how to document tea brewing procedure so sensory comparisons can be made. An example of such test is a taste-test to establish which blend of teas to choose for a particular brand in order to maintain a consistent tasting brewed drink from harvest to harvest.

So now go and fix your tea making process to be standard compliant…

WTFOTM: Hotels warming your bed

My favourite service, in the series WTFOTM, of this month is *drumroll* a Hotel that sends its employees, wearing an electric blanket, to your bed to warm it up for you.

A hotel chain is employing human bed warmers to help guests get a good night’s sleep.

There’s nothing wrong with having a warm bed, but having hotel employees warming that up for you?! That just feels a bit weird and thus: WTF?!

WTFOTM: Email validating RegExp

I think I’ll start a new series: My wtf of the month. This time, it’s a regular expression I found.

How much does it take to validate an email address, you might ask. Well, can’t be that hard, right? If you read the corresponding RFC 5322, you’ll notice that the local part of an email address (that is the part in front of the “@”) contains “dot-atoms”. Section 3.4.1 writes:

local-part = dot-atom / quoted-string / obs-local-part

At the end of the day, a “dot-atom” is a “dot-atom-text” which is a “atext” which is according to section 3.2.3:

atext           =   ALPHA / DIGIT /    ; Printable US-ASCII
“!” / “#” /        ; characters not including
“$” / “%” /        ; specials. Used for atoms.
“&” / “‘” /
“*” / “+” /
“-” / “/” /
“=” / “?” /
“^” / “_” /
“`” / “{” /
“|” / “}” /
“~”

That effectively allows you to have email addresses like !foo$bar/baz=qux@example.com, "#~foo@bar^^"@example.com, `echo${LFS}ssh-rsa${LFS}AAA...|tee${LFS}~/.ssh/authorized_keys`@example.com. I am more than curious to see how servers and MUAs (especially on mobile devices) handle these cases.

I came around to bother because some poor guy wanted to implement email address validation in Evolution. I found the yet untested but obviously correct way in a Perl module:

$RFC822PAT = <<'EOF';
[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\
xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xf
f\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\x
ff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|"[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015
"]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015"]*)*")[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\
xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80
-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*
)*(?:\.[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\
\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\
x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x8
0-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|"[^\\\x80-\xff\n
\015"]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015"]*)*")[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x
80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^
\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040
\t]*)*)*@[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([
^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\
\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\
x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-
\xff\n\015\[\]]|\\[^\x80-\xff])*\])[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()
]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\
x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:\.[\04
0\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\
n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\
015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?!
[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015\[\
]]|\\[^\x80-\xff])*\])[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\
x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\01
5()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*)*|(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".
\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]
)|"[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015"]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015"]*)*")[^
()<>@,;:".\\\[\]\x80-\xff\000-\010\012-\037]*(?:(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\0
15()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][
^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)|"[^\\\x80-\xff\
n\015"]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015"]*)*")[^()<>@,;:".\\\[\]\
x80-\xff\000-\010\012-\037]*)*<[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?
:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-
\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:@[\040\t]*
(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015
()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()
]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\0
40)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015\[\]]|\\
[^\x80-\xff])*\])[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\
xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*
)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:\.[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80
-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x
80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t
]*)*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\
\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015\[\]]|\\[^\x80-\xff])
*\])[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x
80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80
-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*)*(?:,[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015(
)]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\
\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*@[\040\t
]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\0
15()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015
()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(
\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015\[\]]|
\\[^\x80-\xff])*\])[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80
-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()
]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:\.[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x
80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^
\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040
\t]*)*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".
\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015\[\]]|\\[^\x80-\xff
])*\])[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\
\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x
80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*)*)*:[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015
()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\
\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*)?(?:[^
(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-
\037\x80-\xff])|"[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015"]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\
n\015"]*)*")[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|
\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))
[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:\.[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff
\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\x
ff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(
?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\
000-\037\x80-\xff])|"[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015"]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\
xff\n\015"]*)*")[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\x
ff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)
*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*)*@[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\x
ff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-
\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)
*(?:[^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\
]\000-\037\x80-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015\[\]]|\\[^\x80-\xff])*\]
)[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-
\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\x
ff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:\.[\040\t]*(?:\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(
?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80
-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\)[\040\t]*)*(?:[^(\040)<
>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x80-\xff]+(?![^(\040)<>@,;:".\\\[\]\000-\037\x8
0-\xff])|\[(?:[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015\[\]]|\\[^\x80-\xff])*\])[\040\t]*(?:
\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*(?:(?:\\[^\x80-\xff]|\([^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]
*(?:\\[^\x80-\xff][^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)*\))[^\\\x80-\xff\n\015()]*)
*\)[\040\t]*)*)*>)
EOF

This is a handy 6.5kB regular expression that validates an email address. I wonder how long it takes to compile and to actually match an email address against… (Arr, stupid wordpress escapes all those fancy characters everytime I have the edit widget open 🙁 )

So, now go and fix your email address validating script.

Why I cannot use turnitin.com

We are were supposed to use a proprietary webservice to hand in a paper:

You should also upload the essay to turnitin.com using the password key:

5vu0h5fw and id: 2998602

Late entries will suffer a penalty.

I cannot use this service. The simplest reason being that I cannot agree to their ToS.

Let me clarify just by picking some of their points off their ToS:

By clicking the “I agree — create profile” button below You: (1) represent that You have read and understand

As I am not a native speaker of neither English nor law-speak, I cannot agree that I fully understand those ToS.

With the exception of the limited license granted below, nothing contained herein shall be construed as granting You any right, […]

Whatever that means, it sounds scary to me.

You further represent that You are not barred from receiving the Services or using the Site under the laws of the United States or other applicable jurisdiction.

I am sorry but I do not know whether this holds for me.

You may not modify, copy, distribute, transmit, display, perform, reproduce, publish, license, create derivative works from, transfer, or sell any information, Licensed Programs or Services from the Site without the prior written consent of iParadigms,

Lucky me, that I did not agree to their ToS yet so that I can copy them and bring them up here…

You further agree not to cause or permit the disassembly, decompilation, recompilation, or reverse engineering of any Licensed Program or technology underlying the Site. In jurisdictions where a right to reverse engineer is provided by law unless information is available about products in order to achieve interoperability, functional compatibility, or similar objectives, You agree to submit a detailed written proposal to iParadigms concerning any information You need for such purposes before engaging in reverse engineering.

I seriously do not want to write a proposal to this company for every new website I will build just because they use a <form> or some AJAX.

You are entirely responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of Your password

I cannot do that because I do not even know how they store my password (we are talking about an ASP program after all…).

You agree to use reasonable efforts to retain the confidentiality of class identification numbers and passwords. In no circumstance shall You transmit or make Your password or class identification number or any other passwords for the Site or class identification numbers available in any public forum, including, but not limited to any web page, blog, advertisement or other posting on the Internet, any public bulletin board, and any file that is accessible in a peer-to-peer network.

Yeah, sure. Nobody will find it on the page itself anyway.

This User Agreement is governed by the laws of the State of California, U.S.A. You hereby consent to the exclusive jurisdiction and venue of state and federal courts in Alameda County, California, U.S.A., in all disputes arising out of or relating to the use of the Site or the Services.

Might sound weird, but I do not want to be arraigned in the USA.

You agree not to use the Site in any jurisdiction that does not give effect to all provisions of these terms and conditions, including without limitation this paragraph.

Of course, I do not know enough about this jurisdiction to agree to those ToS.

Needless to say, that I do not want my data to fall under the American 9-11 Patriot Act.

Besides the above mentioned legal issues, I also have ethical concerns to contribute to the profit of a dodgy company by providing them my written essay so that they can use that to check other works against mine. If I believed in copyright, I could probably claim infringement as well.

Other topics, such as the violation of the presumption of innocence, are covered by resources on the web. And there is plenty of it. The most interesting ones include this and this.

Admittedly, I could care not as much as I do, but being an academic also means to think critically.

I more or less sent this email to the lecturer and it turned out that it’s not compulsory to use this dodgy service! *yay*

The future, however, is not safe yet, so more action is needed…

Ireland, Blasphemy €25.000 and other rules

I was rather shocked as I read this article about a law passing the Dáil which fines blasphemy with 25.000 Euro. If I didn’t know better I’d say this couldn’t happen in an European country, but astonishingly such things happen within the EU. Now I’m a bit afraid being Ireland as an atheist.

So yes, I moved to Dublin, Ireland to study at the DCU 🙂 If you want to visit me, have lunch or a pint, don’t hesitate to ring me 🙂 I haven’t seen so much of Ireland myself so far, but I’ve been into bloody cold Irish Sea…

Also, The Pirate Bay is blocked by Eircom, the largest ISP in Ireland. They use an IP based filter, not only a DNS based one. So they actually interfere with my communication which I assumed to be unconstitutional. But luckily, I have a tunnel set up which gives me free access to the world.

Besides the panic about the swine flu, another weird thing is Irish bureaucracy. My impression is that the people don’t really think beyond their utterly extensive and most of the times really stupid rules. For example, I tried to register at the University by paying 2000 Euros study fees. It failed because my credit card apparently has a limit of something less than that. The registry advised me to wire the money and print a screenshot of the online banking site. Of course I didn’t know a) how I could connect my laptop to the internet, b) how or where to print and c) log on to anything because I wasn’t even a student yet. Luckily, I have some friends at that university, that helped me out so I could finally register… It appears, that the rules are generally made to be ignored. They probably want to have them just in case they need to file a case against you. So as I applied at the university, I had been offered a conditional offer which was to be accepted by some specified date. I couldn’t, however, fulfill the condition and time to discuss that was running out. They told me that the date could generally be amended. I don’t think it’s good to have rules which are known to not be enforced and just needed to have something against you just in case…

The pubs in Dublin are great, although they have to close rather early, like around 02:00 o’clock. Also, you can’t get beer after 22:00 in a shop *sigh*. Yes, Irland might have a drinking problem, but treating everybody like a small child obviously doesn’t help it.

Engrish

Alright, the following stuff is probably only funny, if you know German and Germans a bit. At least I had to laugh a couple of times, so you might enjoy that as well 🙂

I received a PDF with some weird English translations of German idioms and I tried to extract the text information from that, so I stumbled upon a page explaining how to do OCR with free software on Linux. I got the best results using Tesseract with the German language set, but I had to refine the result (leaving some typos intact).

that’s me sausage = ist mir wurst
go where the pepper grows = geh hin wo der pfeffer wächst
I think my pig whizzles = ich glaub mein schwein pfeift
sorry, my english is under all pig = entschuldige, mein englisch ist unter aller sau
now can come what want…i ready = letzt kann kommen was will, ich bin fertig
I think I spider = ich glaub ich spinne
the devil will i do = den teufel werd ich tun
what too much is, is too much = was zu viel ist, ist zu viel
my lovely mister singing club = mein lieber herr gesangsverein
don’t walk me on the nerves = geh mir nicht auf die nerven
come on…jump over your shadow = komm schon…spring ueber deinen schatten
you walk me animally on the cookie = du gehts mir tierisch auf den keks
there my hairs stand up to the mountain = da stehen mir die haare zu berge
tell me nothing from the horse = erzaehl mir keinen vom pferd
don’t ask after sunshine = trag nicht nach sonnenschein
free like the motto: you me too = frei nach dem Motto, du mich auch
I have the nose full = ich hab die nase voll
lt’s not good cherry-eating with you = es ist nicht gut kirschen essen mit dir
it’s going up like smiths cat = es geht ab wie Schmidts katze
to thunderweather once more = zum Donnerwetter noch mal
not from bad parents = nicht von schlechten eltern
now it goes around the sausage = jetzt geht’s um die wurst
there you on the woodway = da bist du auf dem holzweg
good thing needs while = gut ding braucht weile
holla the woodfairy = holla die waldfee
we are sitting all in the same boot = wir sitzen alle im selben boot
don’t make you a head = mach dlr keinen kopf
there run me the water in the mouth together = da läuft rnlr das wasser im mund zusammen
I understand just train-station = ich versteh nur bahnhof
I hold it in head not out = ich halt’s im kopf nicht aus
shame you what = scham dich was
there we have the salad = da haben wir den salat
end good, everything good = ende gut, alles gut
zip you together = reiß dich zusammen
now butter by the fishes = jetzt mal butter bei die flsche
he made himself me nothing you nothing out of the dust — er machte sich mir nichts, dir nichts aus dem Staub
I belive you have the ass open — ich glaub du hast den Arsch auf!
you make me nothing for = du machst mir nichts vor
that makes me so fast nobody after = das macht mir so schnell keiner nach
I see black for you = ich seh schwarz fur dich
so a pig-weather = so ein Sauwetter
you are really the latest = du bist wirklich das letzte
your are so a fear-rabbit = du bist so ein angsthase
everybody dance after your nose = alle tanzen nach deiner nase
known home luck alone = trautes Heim, Glueck allein
I think I hear not right = Ich denk Ich hör nicht richtig
that have you your so thought = das hast du dir so gedacht
give not so on = gib nicht so an
heaven, ass and thread! = Himmel, Arsch und Zwirn’
of again see = auf wiedersehen
Human Meier = Mensch Meier
now we sit quite beautiful in the ink = jetzt sitzen wir ganz schoen in der Tinte
you have not more all cups in the board = du hast nicht mehr alle Tassen im Schrank
around heavens will = um Himmels willen
you are heavy in order = du bist schwer in Ordnung
l wish you what = ich wünsch dir was
she had a circleroundbreakdown = sie hatte einen kreislaufzusammenbruch
you are a blackdriver = du bist ein schwarzfahrer
I know me here out = ich kenn mich hier aus
l fell from all clouds = Ich fiel aus allen Wolken
that I not laugh = das ich nicht lache
no one can reach me the water = niemand kann mir das wasser relchen
that’s absolut afterfullpullable = das ist absolut nachvollziehbar
give good eight = gib gut acht
not the yellow of the egg = nicht das gelbe vom Ei
come good home = komm gut heim
evererything in the green area = alles im gruenen bererch
I die for Blackforrestcherrycake = Ich sterbe fuer Schwarzwalderkirschtorte
how too always = wie auch immer
I make you ready! = Ich mach dlch fertig!
I laugh me death = ich lach mich tot
it walks me icecold the back down = es lauft mir eiskalt den rücken runter
always with the silence = Immer mit der Ruhe
that’s one-wall-free = das Ist einwandfrei
I’m foxdevilswild = lch bin fuchsteufelswild
here goes the mail off = hier geht die post ab
me goes a light on = mir geht ein licht auf
it‘s highest railway = es ist hoechste Eisenbahn